Sunday, November 29, 2015


Doctor: Dont worry your health is fine. You'll live to be ninety.

Patient: But, doctor, I already ninety years old right now.

Doctor: See, what did I tell you.

Saturday, November 28, 2015

Everybody Except Mike

The boss joined a group of his workers at the coffee urn and told a series of jokes he'd heard recently. Everybody laughed loudly. Everybody, that is, except Mike.

When he noticed that he was getting no reaction from Mike, the boss said, "What's the matter, Mike? No sense of humor?"

Read more »

Friday, November 27, 2015

Eye Checking

Patient: Why are you checking my eyes while its my foot which is injured?

Doctor: I wanted to know what happened to your eyes when you left your foot inside the gutter.

Thursday, November 26, 2015


A man having lunch at a Chinese restaurant noticed that the table had been set with forks, not chopsticks. He asked why. The waiter said "Chopsticks are provided only on request."

"But," the man countered, "if you gave your patrons chopsticks, you wouldn't have to pay someone to wash all the forks."

Read more »

Wednesday, November 25, 2015

Shaky Hands

Three old men were talking about how much their hands shook.
The first old guy said, "My hands shake so bad, that when I shaved his morning, I cut my face."

The second old fogey one-upped him and said, "My hands shake so bad, that when I trimmed my garden yesterday, I sliced all my flowers."

The third old man laughed and said, "That's nothing. My hands shake so bad that when I took a piss yesterday, I came three times!"

Tuesday, November 24, 2015


Once upon a time there was a shepherd looking after his sheep on the edge of a desert road. Suddenly a brand new Jeep Cherokee screeches to a halt next to him. The driver a young, a man dressed in a Brioni suit, Ceruti shoes, Ray-Ban sunglasses and a YSL tie, gets out and asks the shepherd, "If I guess how many sheep you have, would you give me one of them?"

The shepherd looks at the young man, then looks at the sheep, "All right."

The young man parks the car, connects his notebook to his cell phone, enters a NASA site, scans the ground using his GPS, opens a database and 60 Excel tables filled with algorithms, then prints out a 150-page report on his high-tech mini-printer.

"You have exactly 1,586 sheep," he declares.

Read more »

Monday, November 23, 2015

Deep Water

Standing at the edge of the lake, a man saw a woman flailing about in the deep water. Unable to swim, the man screamed for help. A trout fisherman ran up. The man said, "My wife is drowning and I can't swim. Please save her. I'll give you a hundred dollars."

The fisherman dove into the water. In ten powerful strokes, he reached the woman, put his arm around her, and swam back to shore. Depositing her at the feet of the man, the fisherman said, "Okay, where's my hundred dollars?"

Read more »

Sunday, November 22, 2015

Boyfriend's Furlough

The young Swedish au pair had been working for the couple for over a year. While pleasant and hardworking, the girl still struggled with the English language.

One day she informed the Lady of the House, that her boyfriend in the Army was coming for a visit.

"That's wonderful. How long is his furlough?" asked the lady.

Read more »