Sunday, February 7, 2016

Getting Old

How do you know your wife is getting old?

When you say to her, "Let's go upstairs and have sex" and she says "I can't do both."

Saturday, February 6, 2016

Greek Mythology

The teacher asked: "What was the name of the person in Greek mythology who was half man and half animal?"

Billy raised his hand. "Yes?" the teacher acknowledged.

"Buffalo Bill," replied Billy.

My Dog

Teacher: Clyde, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?

Clyde: No, teacher, it's the same dog.

Friday, February 5, 2016

Zebra Arrives on a Farm

A Zebra arrives on a farm. The first animal she meets is a cow. "Whats your job?" she asks.

"My job is to give milk," the cow replies.

The next animal she meets is a chicken. "Whats your job," she asks.

"My job is to lay eggs," the chicken answers.

The third animal she meets is a stallion. "Whats your job?" she asks.

The stallion replies, "Just take off those stripy pyjamas and I'll show you."

Thursday, February 4, 2016

One Rainy Spring Night in Belfast

One rainy spring night in Belfast, a taxi driver spotted an arm waving from the shadows of an alley.

Even before he rolled to a stop at the curb, a figure leaped into the cab and slammed the door. Checking his rear view mirror as he pulled away, he was startled to see a dripping wet, naked woman sitting in the back seat.

"Where to?" he stammered.

"Vale Road," answered the woman.

"OK," he said, taking another long glance in the mirror.

The woman caught him staring at her and asked, "Just what the hell are you looking at?"

Read more »

Wednesday, February 3, 2016

Women Seducing Men

A shy man was feeling a little lucky and decided to ask the subdued provocative librarian about seduction as he tended to be oblique in his intentions.

"Do you have any books on women seducing men?"

The librarian answered without hesitation. "Why yes," she murmured. "Most likely found in the 'Fantasy section'."

Tuesday, February 2, 2016

Three Dogs at the Veterinarian's

Three dogs were sitting in the waiting room at the veterinarian's. One of the dogs was hanging its head and sighing.

The second dog turned to him and asked, "What are you in here for, buddy?"

"I'm in big trouble," he said. "My owner has a really nice sports car with leather seats. I just love to go for rides in it. Well, the other day, he took me for a ride and I was so excited, I peed on the seats. Now he's having me put to sleep."

"I know how you feel," said the second dog. "My owners have a beautiful, expensive oriental rug. The other day they were late getting home from work and I just couldn't help myself--I crapped all over their nice carpet and ruined it. They're having me put to sleep, too."

Both dogs turned to the third dog in the waiting room. "So what are you in here for?" they asked.

Read more »

Saturday, January 30, 2016

Gray Hairs

Jessica was toweling off in front of the mirror when she noticed a few gray pubic hairs.

She bent down and said to her privates... "I know you haven't been getting much lately... but I didn't know you were so worried about it!"