Friday, August 29, 2014

Last Request

Father O'Grady was saying his goodbyes to the parishioners after his Sunday morning service as he always does when Mary Clancey came up to him in tears.

"What's bothering you so, dear?" inquired Farther O'Grady.

"Oh, father, I've got terrible news," replied Mary.
Read more »

Thursday, August 28, 2014

Husband's Penis

Lorena Bobbitt had just cut off her husband's penis. She was driving down the road, wondering what to do with it, when the thought struck her to toss it out the window. The penis bounced off the windscreen of the car travelling in the opposite direction.

"Shit," said the driver to his passenger. "What kind of bug was that?"
Read more »

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Lick That

Tommy, Johnny and Harry were standing around bullshitting about how tough their fathers were.

"My dad went 12 rounds with Mike Tyson. Lick that!" said young Harry.

"Well, my dad did two tours of Vietnam and killed 19 men... so lick that!" Tommy said.
Read more »

Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Old Sea Captain Goes Into a Bar

An old sea captain with one wooden leg, one hook replacing a missing hand, and one missing eye goes into a bar.

The sailor sitting next to him says, "You're really in bad shape. What happened to your leg?"

"I fell overboard," says the Captain, "and before my mates could pull me aboard, a shark bit it off."
Read more »

Monday, August 25, 2014

Good Lord!

A Lutheran minister is driving down to New York to see the radio show and he's stopped in Connecticut for speeding. The state trooper smells alcohol on his breath and then he sees an empty wine bottle on the floor, and he says, "Sir, have you been drinking?"
Read more »

Sunday, August 24, 2014

Would You Like to Dance?

A guy goes up to this girl in a bar and says, "Would you like to dance?"

The girl says, "I don't like this song, but even if I did, I wouldn't dance with you."
Read more »

Saturday, August 23, 2014

Remedy

A woman goes to the doctor with a black eye, and really lookind rough.

The doc says, "What happened?"

The woman replies, "Everytime my husband goes out and gets drunk on beer he beats me when he gets home."
Read more »

Friday, August 22, 2014

Leafing Through the Bible

On visting a seriously ill lawyer in the hospital, his friend found him sitting up in the bed, frantically leafing through the bible.

"What are you doing?" asked the friend.
Read more »