Friday, April 18, 2014

You Wanna Play Doctor?

Little Johnny was sitting on the bench in the park. Suzie comes along chomping on her bubblegum.

Suzie asked, "You wanna play doctor?"

Johnny replied, "No, that too old fashioned. Spit out you gum, I wanna play president."

Thursday, April 17, 2014

When Is It OK for a Lady to Slap a Midget?

When is it OK for a lady to slap a midget?

When they are slow dancing and he tells her how nice her hair smells.

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Looking at the Moon

This young lady, a flighty young thing, got a job cleaning the bank windows in the evening after the bank closed for business. Anyway, she was up this ladder, cleaning good and proper and as she was in the habit of wearing no knickers, every young man who would come along would stop and stare for a second or two. But this evening an old geezer came along and stayed looking.

"What are you looking at", she said.

"I'm looking at the moon", he said.

"Well, if you were here last night, you would have seen a man in it", she said.

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Johnny's Horsie Ride

One day, little Johnny comes home from kindergarten for lunch. Not finding his mother in the kitchen, or the living room, he heads upstairs to check her bedroom. He opens the door, and what does he see, but his father, who had also come home for lunch, stripped naked, on top of his mother, also naked, heavily into the act of lovemaking. Not wanting to traumatize the boy, the parents continue as if nothing was wrong.

Johnny watches, and after a couple of minutes asks, "Daddy, can I climb on and have a horsie ride?"

"Of course, son, we're a family." So Johnny climbs on and after a few more minutes his mother starts moaning and writhing wildly.

"Hang on Dad!", cries Johnny, "this is where me and the mailman usually falls off!"

Monday, April 14, 2014

Elderly Couple Were Killed in an Accident...

An elderly couple were killed in an accident and found themselves being given a tour of heaven by Saint Peter.

"Here is your ocean-side condo, over there are the tennis courts, swimming pool, and two golf courses. If you need any refreshments, just stop by any of the many bars located throughout the area."

"Heck, Gloria," the old man hissed when Saint Peter walked off, "we could have been here ten years ago if you hadn't heard about all that stupid oat bran, wheat germ, and low-fat diets!"