The Difference Between a Bad Golfer and a Bad Skydiver

What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver?

A bad golfer goes: WHACK... "Damn!"

A bad Skydiver goes: "Damn!"... WHACK.

The Bird of True Love

If the bird of wisdom is an owl, and the bird of peace is the dove, what is the bird of true love?
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Still Wrong?

If a man says something in the middle of a forest, and there is no women around to hear him, is he still wrong?

Don't Question God

Don't question God, as he may say, if you are so eager for answers, then please come up.

The Difference Between an Orchestra and a Bull

What's the difference between an orchestra and a bull?

The bull has the horns in front and the asshole in the back.

Support Group

To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a support Group

A Little Collection of Funny Sayings - 5

• Learning is not compulsory… neither is survival.
• The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
• Laughter is inner jogging.
• The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of the bread.
• Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.

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A Little Collection of Funny Sayings - 4

• How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand...
• Like its politicians and its wars, society has the teenagers it deserves.
• I feel like I’m diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
• Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.
• I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

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A Little Collection of Funny Sayings - 3

• If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving isn’t for you.
• If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
• Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?
• Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.

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A Little Collection of Funny Sayings - 2

• A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
• You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
• To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.
• A day without sunshine is like, night.

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A Little Collection of Funny Sayings - 1

• 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
• 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
• A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
• Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
• The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.

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Perfect Idiot

"I suppose you think that I’m a perfect idiot?"

"Oh, no — nobody’s perfect."

Open Mind

I used to be open minded, but my brains kept falling out.

Complete Idiot

I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.

God Has No Bicycles

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle.

Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

Emo Philips