Tense

An English teacher spent a lot of time marking grammatical errors in her students' written work. She wasn't sure how much impact she was having until one overly busy day when she sat at her desk rubbing her temples.

A student asked, "What's the matter, Mrs. Sheridan?"

"Tense," she replied, describing her emotional state.

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Bambalakkadi Jimba

Teacher: Whats the meaning of Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder?

Student: Bambalakkadi Jimba.

Teacher: I don't understand anything you said.

Student: Same here.

Knowledge Pills

A somewhat advanced society has figured how to package basic knowledge in pill form.

A student, needing some learning, goes to the pharmacy and asks what kind of knowledge pills are available. The pharmacist says, "Here's a pill for English literature." The student takes the pill and swallows it and has new knowledge about English literature!

"What else do you have?" asks the student.

"Well, I have pills for art history, biology, and world history," replies the pharmacist.

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Advantages of Mother's Milk

The medical student was asked four reasons why mother's milk was better for babies than cow's milk. This is the answer he submitted:
1. It's fresher.
2. It's cleaner.
3. The cats can't get to it.
4. It's easier to take on a picnic.
He also added:
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Season Pass

On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules: "The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time."
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Something Minor

At a college with a shady reputation, the new dean responded to investigations into the basketball team by suspending any basketball player who wasn't maintaining a passing average. Furious, the coach came storming into the dean's office, followed by one of his star players.

"You can't keep him from playing!" the coach roared. "We won't win this weekend without him!"

"I don't care," the dean said. "Things have gotten out of hand at this college."

"What do you mean, out of hand?" the coach demanded.

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Why SAT Scores Decline

As we all know SAT scores have been on the decline for years. The following may be the reason why.

A math problem in the 60's
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is four-fifths of this price. What is his profit?

A math problem in the 70's
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of porduction is four-fifths of this price, or $80. What is his profit?
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Intimate with a Ghost

A professor at the University is giving a seminar on the supernatural.

To get a feel for his audience, he asks them, "How many folk here believe in ghosts?"

About 80 students raise their hands. "That's a good start," says the professor, "For those who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you've ever seen a ghost?"

About 40 students raise their hands.

"That's really good," continues the professor, "I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?"

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Anything to Pass

A student comes to a young professor's office hours. She glances down the hall, closes his door, kneels pleadingly.

"I would do anything to pass this exam."

She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes. "I mean..." she whispers, "...I would do...anything."

He returns her gaze. "Anything?"

"Anything."
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College Student Writes To His Parents

A college student writes to his parents...

"Dear Mom and Dad,
I feel miserable because I have to keep writing for money. I feel ashamed and unhappy. I have to ask for another hundred, but every cell in my body rebels. I beg on bended knee that you forgive me.

Your son,
Marvin.
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Practice in the Morgue

A student of proctology is in the morgue one day after classes, wanting to get a little practice in before the final exams. He goes over to a table where a body is lying face down. He uncovers the sheet over the body, and to his surprise he finds a cork in the corpse's rectum.

Figuring that this is fairly unusual, he pulls the cork out, and to his surprise, music begins playing: "On the road again...just can't wait to get on the road again..."
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Lesson on Observation

A lecturer teaching medicine was tutoring a class on 'Observation'. He took out a jar of yellow-colored liquid. "This", he explained, "is urine. To be a doctor, you have to be observant to color, smell, sight, and taste."

After saying this, he dipped his finger into the jar and put it into his mouth. His class watched on in amazement, most, in disgust. But being the good students that they were, the jar was passed, and one by one, they dipped one finger into the jar and then put it into their mouth.
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Dormitory Rules

On the first day of college, the dean/principal addresses the students pointing out some of the rules. "The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, so too the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time. Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will incur a hefty fine of $180. ARE THERE ANY QUESTIONS?".
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Too Smart Student

A first grade teacher was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, "Johnny what is your problem?"

Johnny answered, "I'm too smart for the first grade. My sister is in the third grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third grade too!"

The teacher had had enough. She took Johnny to the principal's office.
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Idiots Please Stand Up

"If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up," said the sarcastic lecturer.

After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet.

"Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?" enquired the lecturer with a sneer.
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Advatages of Breast Milk

A not necessarily well-prepared student sat in his life science classroom, staring at a question on the final exam paper. The question directed: "Give four advantages of breast milk."

What to write? He sighed, and began to scribble whatever came into his head, hoping for the best:

1. No need to boil.
2. Never goes sour.
3. Available whenever necessary.

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Acceptable Excuse

The college professor had just finished explaining an important research project to his class. He emphasized that this paper was an absolute requirement for passing his class, and that there would be only two acceptable excuses for being late. Those were a medically certifiable illness or a death in the student's immediate family.
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