Whistle

A young Japanese girl had been taught all of her life that when she married she was to please her husband and never upset him. So the first morning of her honeymoon when the young Japanese bride crawled out of the bed after making love and she stooped down to pick up her husband's clothes and she let out a big fart.

She looked up and said, "Excuse please, front hole so happy back hole whistle!

Different Position

Husband: Shall we try a different position tonight?

Wife: That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart.

Match

A guy comes home from the bar drunk one night around 3 in the morning. His wife is sleeping and he is trying to sneak into bed. He's laying in bed for a few minutes and cuts a fart.

His wife wakes up and asks, "What the hell was that?"

He replies, "Touchdown, I am winning 7 nothing."
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Attention All

There was a husband and his wife sitting next to a drunk in a bar. Suddenly the drunk stands up and yells, "Attention all!!" and farts loudly.

The wife is extremely embarrassed, and the husband looks at the drunk and says, "Excuse me, you just farted before my wife."

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Bomb

Three guys are in a Cessna. The first drops a penny out the window. The second drops a pencil and the third a bomb.

When the plane lands, the first guy goes to see where the penny landed. He sees a guy swearing and trying to get a penny out of his forehead.

The second sees a girl holding her dog who has a pencil through his head.

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Wife's Revenge

There once was an old couple who had been married for thirty years. Every morning the old boy would wake up and give off an enormous fart, much to his long suffering wife's annoyance.

"You'll fart your guts out one of these days," she always complained. After a particularly bad week the wife decided to have her revenge and got up early, placing some turkey giblets in the bed next to the old boy's arse. While making breakfast downstairs she heard his usual morning fart reverberate through the floorboards followed by a scream. Twenty minutes later a rather shaken man came downstairs.
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How Faggots Get a Condom Off

Do you know how faggots get a condom off?

They simply fart!

Baked Beans

Once upon a time there lived a woman who had a maddening passion for baked beans. She loved them but unfortunately they had always had a very embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction to her. Then one day she met a guy and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry she thought to herself, "He is so sweet and gentlemanly, he would never go for this carrying on."

So she made the supreme sacrifice, and gave up the beans.
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Embarrassing Problem

An old woman came into her doctor's office and confessed to an embarrassing problem. "I fart all the time, Doctor Johnson, but they're soundless, and they have no odor. In fact, since I've been here, I've farted no less than twenty times. What can I do?"

"Here's a prescription, Mrs. Harris. Take these pills three times a day for seven days and come back and see me in a week."

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