Blonde Waitress

A trucker came into a truck stop cafe and placed his order. He said, "I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards."

The brand new blonde waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the kitchen and said to the cook, "This guy out there just ordered three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running Boards. What does he think this place is, an auto parts store?"

"No," the cook said, "Three flat tires mean three pancakes, a pair of headlights is two eggs sunny side up, and running boards are 2 slices of crisp bacon."

"Oh, OK!" said the blonde. She thought about it for a moment and then spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the customer.

The trucker asked, "What are the beans for, Blondie?"

She replied, "I thought while you were waiting for the flat tires, headlights and running boards, you might as well gas up!"

IDK

Blonde: "What does IDK stand for?"

Brunette: "I Don't Know."

Blonde: "OMG, nobody does!"

Discussing Boyfriends

A blonde and a brunette were discussing their boyfriends.

Brunette: "Last night I had three orgasms in a row!"

Blonde: "That's nothing; last night I had over a hundred."

Brunette: "My god! I had no idea he was that good."

Blonde: (looking shocked) "Oh, you mean with one guy?"

Magic Mirror

A brunette, a redhead and a blonde went to a fitness spa for some fun and relaxation. After a stimulating healthy lunch, all three decided to visit the ladies room and found a strange looking woman sitting at the entrance who said, "Welcome to the ladies room. Be sure to check out our newest feature: a mirror which, if you look into it and say something truthful, you will be awarded with a wish. But, be warned, for if you say something false, you will be sucked into the mirror to live in a void of nothingness for all eternity!"

The three women quickly entered and upon finding the mirror, the brunette said, "I think I'm the most beautiful of us three," and in an instant she was surrounded by a pile of money.

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Home From Work

Three women worked in the same office with the same female boss. Each day, the boss left work early. One day, the women decided that when the boss left they would leave too. After all, she never called or came back to work, so how would she know they went home early?

The brunette was thrilled to be home early. She did a little gardening, had some playtime with her son and went to bed early.

The redhead was elated to be able to get in a quick workout at the spa before meeting a dinner date.

The blonde was happy to get home early and surprise her husband. But when she got home, she heard a muffled noise coming from inside her bedroom. Slowly and quietly, she cracked open the door and was mortified to see her husband in bed with her boss! Gently, she closed the door and crept out of her house.
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State Capitals

A blonde was complaining to her friend about constantly being called a dumb blonde.

Her friend tells her "Go do something to prove them wrong! Why don't you learn all the state capitals or something?"

The blonde thinks this is a great idea, and locks herself up for two weeks studying. The next party she goes to, some guy is making dumb blonde comments to her. She gets all indignant and claims, "I'm not a dumb blonde. In fact, I can name all the state capitals!"
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Glass of Milk

After many hours of extremely acrobatic and exhausting sex with a blonde he had just picked up, a man goes into the kitchen for some food to replenish his justspent energy. He pours himself a glass of milk and right before drinking it, he realizes his manhood is still pretty hot, so he sticks it in the glass to cool it off.

Just then the blonde walks in and says, "Oh, I always wondered how you refilled those."

Cold Balls

Three blondes are talking about their boyfriends.

"It's funny," says Samantha, "Peter's balls are always cold as ice when I'm giving him a blowjob!"

"You know what?" replies Jenny, "It's exactly the same with my Richard!"

They turn to the third blonde and ask: "When you blow Chris, are his balls cold, also?"

"Ugh! That's disgusting! I never put his thing in my mouth!"

"You're crazy," one of the blondes pipes up. "A good blowjob is the best way to keep a guy! You should try it!"

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Blonde Fox Stuck in a Trap

Did you hear the one about the blonde fox that got stuck in a trap?

She chewed off three legs and was still stuck.

Boss Tells a Blonde Applicant...

A boss tells a blonde applicant, "I'll give you $8 an hour, starting today, and in three months, I'll raise it to $10 an hour. So, when would you like to start?"

"After three months sir."

No AIDS

A guy is screwing a great looking blonde.

The girl asks, "You haven't got AIDS, have you?"

He replies, "No."

She responds, "Oh, thank heavens for that! I don't want to get that again...!"

Blond and Computer

How do you know a blond has been using your computer?

When the joy stick is wet!

Finger For a Blond

This blonde and her boyfriend were sitting in a hot tub when the blonde said to her boyfriend,

"Is it true that if you pull you finger out, I'll sink?"

Blonde Got Game

A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks the blonde if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde, who is tired, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don`t know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vise versa."

Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep.
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Comfortable

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock. Upon leaving, the brunette tells her sister,

"When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home."
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Talented Pussy

A man is sitting on a train across from a busty blonde wearing a tiny mini skirt. Despite his efforts, he is unable to stop staring at the top of the females thighs. To his delight, he realises she has gone without underwear.

The blonde realises he is staring and enquires, "Are you looking at my pussy?"

"Yes, I'm sorry" replies the man and promises to avert his eyes.
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Lie Detector Mirror

There is a very special mirror. If you stand in front of this mirror and tell the truth, you are granted a wish. However, if you tell a lie, POOF! you are instantly swallowed up by the mirror, never to be seen again.

A redhead of questionable looks stands before the mirror and says, "I think I’m the most beautiful woman in the world." POOF! The mirror swallows her.
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Overweight Blonde

An overweight blonde consulted her doctor for advice.

The doctor advised that she run 10 miles a day for 30 days. This, he promised, would help her lose as much as twenty pounds.

The blonde follows the doctor`s advice and after thirty days, she was pleased to find that she`d indeed lost twenty pounds.
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Smart Japanese

Why are the Japanese so smart?

They don’t have any blondes.

New Prefix

If blondes and bimbos were the same thing, the prefix 'bim' could be used to create new words that describe them:

• Bimbabble - noises coming from a group of blondes.
• Bimbaffled - constant mental state of blondes.
• Bimbait - short skirts, sheer blouses, string bikinis or other clothing worn by blondes in an attempt to attract the attention of males.

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