Divorce

Earl and Bubba, two boys from Dixie are quietly sitting in a boat fishing, chewing and drinking beer when suddenly Bubba says, "I think I'm going to divorce my wife - she hasn't spoke to me in over 2 months."

Earl spits, sips his beer and says, "You better think it over - women like that are hard to find."

Talking Frog

An old man who loves to fish, was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say, "Pick me up."

He looked around and couldn't see any one. He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again, "Pick me up."

He looked in the water and there, floating on the top, was a frog.

The man said, "Are you talking to me?"

The frog said, "Yes, I'm talking to you. Pick me up. Then, kiss me and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen. I'll then give you more sexual pleasure that you ever could have dreamed of."

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Expensive Fishing

Two Virginia rednecks go on a fishing trip. They rent all the equipment - the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods. I mean they spend a fortune! The first day they go fishing, but they don't catch anything. The same thing happens on the second day, and on the third day. It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of the men catches a fish. As they're driving home they're really depressed. One guy turns to the other and says,

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It Could Be Worse

A traveller came up to a fisherman. "Having any luck?"

"Not so bad", the fisherman replied.

"I haven't had a bite in three hours."

"What's so good about that?", the traveller asked in surprise.
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Fisherman's Wife

Woman cleaning fish at sink to fisherman husband,

"Why can't you be like other men? They never catch anything."

The Unreasonable Game Warden

A couple went on vacation to a resort up north. The husband liked to fish, and the wife liked to read.

One morning the husband came back from fishing after getting up really early that morning and took a nap.
While he slept, the wife decided to take the boat out. She was not familiar with the lake, so she rowed out and anchored the boat, and started reading her book.
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The Merciful Fisherman

A man went fishing one day. He looked over the side of his boat and saw a snake with a frog in its mouth. Feeling sorry for the frog, he reached down, gently took the frog from the snake, and set the frog free.
But then he felt sorry for the snake. He looked around the boat, but he had no food. All he had was a bottle of bourbon. So he opened the bottle and gave the snake a few shots. The snake went off happy, the frog was happy, and the man was happy to have performed such good deeds.
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Dam Fish

There was a boy standing on a corner selling fish. He was saying, "Dam fish for sale, dam fish for sale."

A preacher walked up and asked why he was calling them dam fish.

The kid said, "I caught them at the dam, so they're dam fish."
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Fishing in the Jungle

A man was fishing in the jungle. After a while another angler came to join him.

"Have you had any bites?" asked the second man.
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Fisherman and Businessman

One day a fisherman was lying on a beautiful beach, with his fishing pole propped up in the sand and his solitary line cast out into the sparkling blue surf. He was enjoying the warmth of the afternoon sun and the prospect of catching a fish.

About that time, a businessman came walking down the beach, trying to relieve some of the stress of his workday. He noticed the fisherman sitting on the beach and decided to find out why this fisherman was fishing instead of working harder to make a living for himself and his family.
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Fishing Secret

It was a cold winter day. An old man walked out onto a frozen lake, cut a hole in the ice, dropped in his fishing line, and waited patiently for a bite.

He was there for almost an hour, without even a nibble, when a young boy walked out onto the ice, cut a hole in the ice next to him. The young boy dropped his fishing line and minutes later he hooked a Largemouth Bass. The old man couldn't believe his eyes but chalked it up to plain luck. But, shortly thereafter, the young boy pulled in another large catch. The young boy kept catching fish after fish.
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Lucky Fisherman

The little kid sat on the side of the road with a fishing line down the drain. Feeling sorry for him, and wanting to humor him, a lady gave him 50 cents, and kindly asked "How many have you caught?"

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Fishing Trip

A woman is in bed with her lover who also happens to be her husband's best friend. They make love for hours, and afterward they're just lying there, enjoying the nearness of each other. The phone rings, and because it's the woman's house, she reaches over and picks up the receiver.

Her lover looks over and listens, only hearing her side of the conversation.
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How Much Is the Fish?

Two fishermen travel 100 miles to try out a new fishing spot. They buy a variety of bait and lures and rent a boat.

After a long day of fishing, the two fishermen return to the dock. The first fisherman pulls their only catch from the live well, a scrawny bass just legal size. He says, "Boy! This fish cost us about $75."
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That's What I Did

Henry's son, David, burst into the house, crying. His mother asked him what the problem was.

"Daddy and I were fishing, and he hooked a giant fish. Really big. Then, while he was reeling it in, the line busted and the fish got away."

"Now come on, David," his mother said, "a big boy like you shouldn't be crying about an accident like that. You should have just laughed it off."

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Fishing License

A couple of young guys were fishing at their special pond off the beaten track when out of the bushes jumped the game warden! Immediately, one of the boys threw his rod down and started running through the woods and hot on his heels came the game warden. After about a half mile, the guy stopped and stooped over with his hands on his thighs to catch his breath and the game warden finally caught up to him.
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Terrible Weather

One man's hobby was fishing, he spent all his weekends near the river or lake, paying no attention to weather. One Sunday, early in the morning, he went to the river, as usual. It was cold and raining, and for the first time ever he decided to return back to his house. He came in, went to his bedroom, undressed and laid near his wife.

"What terrible weather today, honey." he said to her.

"Yes. And my idiot husband went fishing!"

Guy Rings His Boss

A guy rings his boss, "I can't come to work today."

The boss asks, "Why?"

The Guy says, "It's my eyes."

"What's wrong with your eyes", the boss asks?
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Fishing in the Caribbean

A lawyer and an engineer were fishing in the Caribbean.

The lawyer said, "I'm here because my house burned down, and everything I owned was destroyed by the fire. The insurance company paid for everything."

"That's quite a coincidence," said the engineer. "I'm here because my house and all my belongings were destroyed by a flood, and my insurance company also paid for everything."
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