Call Mother

Little Johnny had just been put to bed for the umpteenth time and his mother's patience was wearing thin. "If I hear you call 'Mother' one more time, you will be punished," she warned him sternly.

For a while it was quiet, and then she heart a small voice call from the top of the stairs, "Mrs. Jones? Can I have a drink of water?"

What Does Your Daddy Do

A third grade teacher asked her students to, one by one, stand in front of the class and tell what their Daddy's do.

Little Mary went first, "My daddy is a doctor and he saves people's lives."

"That's wonderful Mary. Now how about you Jane, what does your daddy do?"

"My daddy is a lawyer and he puts bad people in jail," says Jane.

"Very good Jane. Ok Johnny, what does your daddy do?"

"My daddy is dead," says Johnny.
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Eating Apples

At school one morning, the teacher asked little Johnny what he had for breakfast. Little Johnny said, "Well, on my way to school I come cross this apple tree, so I climbed up there and started eating apples. I guess I eat about six," said little Johnny.

"No," said the teacher, "It's ate!"

Little Johnny said, "Well it could've been eight, I don't remember."

The First Time

One day Little Susie got her monthly period for the first time in her life. Not quite certain what was happening, and somewhat frightened, she decided to tell Little Johnny.

Little Susie dropped her panties and showed Little Johnny what was happening.

Little Johnny's eyes opened wide in amazement. "You know," he said, "I'm not a doctor, but it looks like someone just ripped your balls off!"

The Right Thing

Little Johnny says, "Mom, when I was on the bus with Daddy this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady."

"Well, you've done the right thing," says the mother.

"But Mommy, I was sitting on daddy's lap."

Wrong Answer

Little Johnny got kicked out of school today.

The teacher asked him, "If I gave you twenty dollars. And you paid five dollars to Kate, five dollars to Sally and five dollars to Linda. What would you have?"
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Making Puppies

Little Johnny and his father were walking in the park. They saw two dogs having sex. Little Johnny asks, "What are they doing, dad?"

Dad replies, "They're making puppies."

Later that evening little Johnny walks into his parents bedroom and they are having sex. He asks, "What are you doing?"
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Arithmetic

Teacher: If you had one dollar and you asked your father for another, how many dollars would you have?

Johnny: One dollar.

Teacher(sadly): You don't know your arithmetic.

Johnny(sadly): You don't know my father.

Sunday School

Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through the class.

One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?"

When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear.

"God Almighty !" shouted Mary.

The teacher said, "Very good!" and Mary fell back to sleep.

A while later the teacher asked Mary, "Who is our Lord and Savior?", but Mary didn't even stir from her slumber.

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Little Johnny at the Circus

Little Johnny is excited because the circus has come to town and his mum has got front row tickets for him. Finally the evening comes and Little Johnny and his mum go off to the big top. Little Johnny sits there and enjoys the lions and the tigers and the jugglers and the trapeze artists, and finally out comes little Johnnys favourites, the clowns.

Johnny is loving the clowns and their humorous japes until one of the clowns comes up to him and says 'Little boy are you the front end of an ass?'

'No,' replies little Johnny.

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Introduction

The little darlings were all in their seats on the first day of school and their new teacher introduced herself. She wrote on the board that her name is Ms. Prussy and the day passed without any further incidents.

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Stupid Mistakes

Teacher: How can one person make so many stupid mistakes in one day?

Little Johnny: I get up early.

Animal Game

One day the teacher decides to play an animal game. She holds up a picture of a giraffe and asks if anyone knows what it is. No one raises his/her hand. The teacher says "See it's long neck? What animal has a long neck?"

Sally holds up her hand and asks if it is a giraffe. "Very good Sally," the teacher replies. Next she holds up a picture of a zebra.

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You Wanna Play Doctor?

Little Johnny was sitting on the bench in the park. Suzie comes along chomping on her bubblegum.

Suzie asked, "You wanna play doctor?"

Johnny replied, "No, that too old fashioned. Spit out you gum, I wanna play president."

Johnny's Horsie Ride

One day, little Johnny comes home from kindergarten for lunch. Not finding his mother in the kitchen, or the living room, he heads upstairs to check her bedroom. He opens the door, and what does he see, but his father, who had also come home for lunch, stripped naked, on top of his mother, also naked, heavily into the act of lovemaking. Not wanting to traumatize the boy, the parents continue as if nothing was wrong.

Johnny watches, and after a couple of minutes asks, "Daddy, can I climb on and have a horsie ride?"

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Johnny's Father Catches Him Jerking Off

Dirty Johnny's father walks into the bathroom and catches him jerking off.

He says, "Son, every time you do that you kill an innocent baby."

The next day his father walks into the bathroom and catches him again.

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Grandma Better

Little Johnny says to his mother "Mommy, I have to go and tinkle."

The mother replies back "Would you like Mommy to take you?"

Little Johnny says "No, let grandma... her hand shakes!"

How Was I Born

Little Johnny asks:

- Daddy, how was I born?

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Lacerations

Mom took little johnny to the doctor for lacerations on his penis.

Doc. said, "How did such a thing happen?"

Johnny said, "It's that damn neighbor girl, Suzy. Her braces are too darned sharp."

My Dad Has Two

A 2nd grade teacher decides to teach sex education to her class. She starts out by drawing a penis on the chalk board and asks the class, "Does anyone know what this is?"

And little Johnny says, "Yes, my dad has 2 of them!"

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