Symptom: Room seems unusually dark.
Fault: Bar has closed.
Action: Confirm home address with bartender, take taxi home.
Symptom: Truck suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures.
Fault: Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations.
Action: Cover mouth.
Symptom: Everyone looks up to you and laughs.
Fault: You are dancing on the table.
Action: Fall on somebody cushy looking.
Symptom: Beer is crystal clear.
Fault: It's water. Somebody is trying to sober you up.
Action: Punch him.
Symptom: Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear.
Fault: You have been in a fight.
Action: Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was them.
Symptom: Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room you're in.
Fault: You've wandered into the wrong party.
Action: See if they have free beer.
Symptom: Your singing sounds distorted.
Fault: The beer is too weak.
Action: Have more beer until your voice improves.
Symptom: Don't remember the words to the song.
Fault: Beer is just right.
Action: Play air guitar.
Symptom: Cold and unable to unlock door to hotel room.
Fault: Woke up in hotel room, got up to go to bathroom and chose wrong door.
Action: Knock loudly on door to wake sleeping wife. If this fails, find hotel worker to unlock door for you.
