Support Group

To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a support Group

A Little Collection of Funny Sayings - 5

• Learning is not compulsory… neither is survival.
• The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
• Laughter is inner jogging.
• The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of the bread.
• Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.
• On the other hand, you have different fingers.
• Sometimes the heart sees what is invisible to the eye.
• Nothing is fool-proof to a talented fool.
• Someday is not a day of the week.
• Plan to be spontaneous - tomorrow.
• Quantum mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.
• Remember half the people you know are below average.
• No one is listening until you make a mistake.
• Save the whales. Collect the whole set
• Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.

A Little Collection of Funny Sayings - 4

• How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand...
• Like its politicians and its wars, society has the teenagers it deserves.
• I feel like I’m diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
• Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.
• I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
• Make service your first priority, not success and success will follow.
• Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
• Nature never deceives us; it is we who deceive ourselves.
• If you don’t believe in something, you’ll fall for anything.
• If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
• It is better to wear out than to rust out.
• The colder the x-ray table the more of your body is required on it.
• Tact is the art of making a point without making an enemy.
• Support bacteria - they’re the only culture some people have.
• Success always occurs in private and failure in full view.

A Little Collection of Funny Sayings - 3

• If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving isn’t for you.
• If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
• Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?
• Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.
• I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
• Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
• I’m a controversial figure: my friends either dislike me or hate me.
• Honk if you love peace and quiet.
• I must govern the clock, not be governed by it.
• I intend to live forever - so far so good.
• For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.
• I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
• Golf is a good walk spoiled.
• Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
• He who laughs last thinks slowest.

A Little Collection of Funny Sayings - 2

• A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
• You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
• To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.
• A day without sunshine is like, night.
• To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
• The sooner you fall behind the more time you’ll have to catch up.
• Discretion is being able to raise your eyebrow instead of your voice.
• A good listener is a good talker with a sore throat.
• With time and patience the mulberry leaf becomes a silk gown.
• When your work speaks for itself, don’t interrupt.
• The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.
• The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
• When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane and going the wrong way.
• Two wrongs are only the beginning.
• If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

A Little Collection of Funny Sayings - 1

• 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
• 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
• A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
• Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
• The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.
• The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
• If you bow at all, bow low.
• Democracy is the name we give the people whenever we need them.
• Diplomacy, n. The patriotic art of lying for one’s country.
• Character is much easier kept than recovered.
• Change is inevitable except from vending machines.
• Borrow money from a pessimist - they don’t expect it back.
• Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
• Always try to be modest and be proud of it!
• A technical objection is the first refuge of a scoundrel.

A Perfect Idiot

"I suppose you think that I’m a perfect idiot?"

"Oh, no — nobody’s perfect."

Open Mind

I used to be open minded, but my brains kept falling out.

Not a Complete Idiot

I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.