Putting an Advertisement...

Jill, a love-starved spinster, was so desperate that she went to a local newspaper office and inquired about putting an advertisement in the «Lonely Hearts» column.

"Well, madam," the assistant said, "we charge a minimum of $1 per insertion."

"You don't say," said the spinster "Well then, here's $20 and to hell with the advertisement!"

Baked Beans

Bean Bags Make The Perfect Gift For Any Teen...Shop Today!

Fishing in the Caribbean

Death from Syphilis

"My girl, Ginger, is going to die of syphilis," mumbles an angry biker to one of his buddies.

"No," says the friend, "people don't die of syphilis anymore."

The angry biker replies, "They do when they give it to me!"

5 Funny Ads

Th Last Glass of Whiskey

Omnivorous Monkey

What is the Difference Between Girls Aged 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58 and 68?

What is the difference between girls aged 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58 and 68?

• At 8 - You take her to bed and tell her a story.
• At 18 - You tell her a story and take her to bed.
• At 28 - You don't need to tell her a story to take her to bed.
• At 38 - She tells you a story and takes you to bed.
• At 48 - You tell her a story to avoid going to bed.
• At 58 - You stay in bed to avoid her story.
• At 68 - If you take her to bed, that'll be a story!

Two Mates and Their Chick

Two mates were screwing the same chick at the same time, and they were greeted with the sad news one day that their common squeeze had got knocked up. Having no way of knowing which was the father, the two mates chipped in and sent her out of town to have the little bastard.

Several months passed without either of the mates hearing from the chick, so one of them decided to find her and get some news about the pregnancy. The next day, the other dude got a call from his mate.

"I've got some good news and some bad news," the mate said on the telephone.

"Well, give me the good news first," replied the other.

"The good news is that she's fine, and she had twins," came the reply.

"And the bad news?"

"Mine died"

Just a Small Blowie

A boy takes his girlfriend home after going out together.

When they reach the front door, he leans against the wall with one hand and says, "Sweetie, why don't you give me a blowjob?"

"What? You're crazy!"

"Don't worry, it will be quick, no problem."

"No!! Someone may see - a relative, a neighbor..."

"At this time of the night? No one will show up..."

"I've already said No, and NO!"

"Honey, it's just a small blowie...I know you'd like it, too..."

"No! I've said NO!"

"My love... Don't be like that..."

At this moment, the girlfriend's younger sister shows up at the door in her nightgown with her hair totally in disorder.

Rubbing her eyes, she says, "Dad says either you have to blow him, I have to blow him, or he will come down and give the guy a blowjob himself, but for God's sake, tell your boyfriend to take his hand off the intercom!"

A Penny for Your Thoughts

A Scottish lad and lass were sitting together on a heathery hill in the Highlands. They had been silent for a while; then the lass
said, "A penny for your thoughts."

The lad was a bit abashed, but he finally said, "Well, I was thinkin' how nice it would be if ye'd give me a wee bit of a kiss."

So she did so. But he again lapsed into a pensive mood which lasted long enough for the lass to ask him, "What arre ye thinkin' now?"

To which the lad replied: "Well, I was hopin' ye hadn't forgot the penny!"