Sunday, November 15, 2015

Women's English / Men's English

Women's English
  1. Yes = No
  2. No = Yes
  3. Maybe = No
  4. We need = I want
  5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry
  6. We need to talk = I need to complain
  7. Sure, go ahead = I don't want you to
  8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later
  9. I am not upset = Of course I am upset, you moron!
  10. Are you listening to me? = Too late, you're dead
  11. You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me
  12. Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs
  13. You're so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot
  14. Do you love me? = I am going to ask for something expensive
  15. It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now
  16. You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
  17. I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV
  18. How much do you love me? = I did something today that you're really not going to like
Men's English
  1. I am hungry = I am hungry
  2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
  3. I am tired = I am tired
  4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
  5. I love you = Let's have sex now
  6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
  7. What's wrong? = I guess sex is out of the question
  8. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you
  9. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you
  10. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you
  11. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you
  12. Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for other men to have sex with you
  13. You look tense, let me give you a massage = I want to have sex with you within the next 3 mins.
  14. Let's talk = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and then I'd like to have sex with you.
  15. I don't think those shoes go with that outfit = I'm gay