Husband's Dream

An older couple wake up in the morning and the husband looks over at the woman and says, 'Wow! You wouldn't believe the dream I had...' And the woman replied, 'Yes, go on tell me.' So the husband told her. 'I had a dream that you left me after 20 years of being married.' So the wife says, 'Oh, it sounds more like a nightmare.' The husband says, 'No, I am sure it was a dream'.

Dress For My Wife...

"But why", demanded the puzzled judge of the burglar standing before, "did you break into the same store three nights running?" "Well, Judge, it's like this," was the reply. "I picked out a dress for my wife and I had to change it twice."

Three Friends at the Bar

Three friends were at the bar talking, and after many rounds of beer, one of them suggests that everyone admits something they have never admitted to anyone. "Okay," says the first, "I've never told anybody I'm a gay!" The second confesses, "I'm having an affair with my boss's wife." The third, Moishe, begins, "I don't know how to tell you..." "Don't be shy," the two friends said. "Well," says Moishe, "I can't keep secrets."

Four Catholic Ladies...

Four Catholic ladies are having coffee together, discussing how important their children are. The first one tells her friends, 'My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him "Father".' The second Catholic woman chirps, 'Well, my son is an Archbishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, "Your Grace".' The third Catholic woman says smugly, 'Well, not to put you down, but my son is a Cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, "Your Eminence".' The fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence. The first three women give her this subtle 'Well...?' She replies, 'My son is a gorgeous, 6'4", hard-bodied, well-hung, male stripper. Whenever he walks into a room, women say, "Oh, my God..."

The Lawyers' Sandwiches

Two lawyers arrive at the pub and order a couple of drinks. They then take sandwiches from their briefcases and began to eat. Seeing this, the angry publican approaches them and says, 'Excuse me, but you cannot eat your own sandwiches in here!' The two look at each other, shrug and exchange sandwiches.