How to Make a Horse Work

An out-of-towner accidentally drives his car into a deep ditch on the side of a country road. Luckily a farmer happened by with his big old horse named Benny.

The man asked for help. The farmer said Benny could pull his car out. So he backed Benny up and hitched Benny to the man's car bumper.

Then he yelled, "Pull, Nellie, pull." Benny didn't move.

Then he yelled, "Come on, pull Ranger." Still, Benny didn't move.

Then he yelled really loud, "Now pull, Fred, pull hard." Benny just stood.

Then the farmer nonchalantly said, "Okay, Benny, pull."

Benny pulled the car out of the ditch.

The man was very appreciative but curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times.

The farmer said, "Oh, Benny is blind, and if he thought he was the only one pulling he wouldn't even try."

Girl's Confession

3 Simple Tips to Keep Your Teeth Healthy

Zwei Gin Bitte!

Victoria and Her Secret

Blackberry Storm

Two's Company, Three's a Crowd

A lawyer and two friends, a Rabbi and a Hindu holy man, had car trouble in the countryside and asked to spend the night with a farmer.

The farmer said, "There might be a problem. You see, I only have room for two to sleep, one of you must sleep in the barn."

"No problem," spoke the Rabbi. "My people wandered in the desert for forty years. I am humble enough to sleep in the barn for an evening." With that he departed to the barn and the others bedded down for the night.

Moments later a knock was heard at the door. The farmer opened the door, and there stood the Rabbi from the barn. "What's wrong?" asked the farmer.

He replied, "I am grateful to you, but I can't sleep in the barn. There is a pig in the barn and my faith believes that is an unclean animal."

His Hindu friend agreed to swap places with him. But a few minutes late the same scene occurs. There is a knock on the door. "What's wrong, now?" the farmer asked.

The Hindu holy man replies, "I too am grateful for your helping us out, but there is a cow in the barn and in my country cows are considered sacred. I can't sleep on holy ground!"

Well, that leaves only the lawyer to make the change. He grumbled and complained, but went out to the barn. Moments later there was another knock on the farmer's door. Frustrated and tired, the farmer opened the door, and there stood the pig and the cow.

A Young Girl Went to Her Family Doctor...

Just a Small Blowie

George Burns on Oprah Winfrey Show

Dog’s Rule of Life

An eminent teacher and thinker once expressed his philosophy of life succinctly. "When it all boiled down to the essence of truth," the philosopher said, "one just live by a dog’s rule of life: If you can’t eat it or fuck it, piss on it!!!"

How Was I Born

Telepathic Watch

The Former Boyfriend's Revenge

Fourteen Canaries

Three young women are at a cocktail party.

The conversation turns to their position in life, and it's clear that they're trying to one-up each other.

The first one says, "My husband is taking me to the French Riviera for two weeks on vacation," and then looks at the others with a superior demeanor.

The second one says, "Well, my husband just bought me a new Mercedes," and looks about with considerable pride. Young woman number three says, "Well, to be perfectly honest with you, we don't have much money and we don't have many material possessions. However, one thing I can tell you about my husband is that fourteen canaries can stand shoulder to shoulder on his erect thing."

After this, the first one looks shamefaced and says, "Girls, I've got a confession to make: I was just trying to impress you. You know that vacation I was telling you about? Well, it's not to the French Riviera, it's to my folks' house in Terre Haute for two weeks."

The second one says, "Your honesty has shamed me. It's not a Mercedes; it's a Plymouth."

"Well, I've got a confession to make myself: Canary number fourteen has to stand on one leg."

Two Mates and Their Chick

Vasectomy

Short Marriage Jokes (1)

Short Marriage Jokes (2)

Gift for the Teacher

On the last day of kindergarten, all the children brought presents for their teacher.

The florist's son handed the teacher a gift. She shook it, held it up and said, "I bet it's some flowers!"

"That's right!" shouted the little boy.

Then the candy store owner's daughter handed the teacher a gift. She held it up, shook it and said, "I bet I know what it is! It's a box of candy!"

"That's right!" shouted the little girl.

The next gift was from the liquor store owner's son. The teacher held it up and saw that it was leaking. She touched a drop with her finger and tasted it.

"Is it wine?" she asked.

"No," the boy answered. The teacher touched another drop to her tongue.

"Is it champagne?" she asked.

"No," the boy answered.

"What is it?" she said.

"A puppy!"

Oink, Oink!

Tsorog-Bombog

The Difference Between a Poisonous Snake and a School Principal

Lipstick on the Mirrors

Chinese Whispers

Massive Mouth

What is the Difference Between Girls Aged 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58 and 68?

Sperm Bank Robbery

Omnivorous Monkey

Virgin

Simon's Cat - 2. Let Me In.

Parrot Dancing and Singing (Video)

Wake Up!

Simon's cat seems to become the most famous pet on the internet. Haven't you watched this video yet? You'll split your sides with laughter!

5 Funny Video Ads

Small Business

Fresh out of business school, the young man answered a want ad for an accountant. Now he was being interviewed by a very nervous man who ran a small business that he had started himself.

"I need someone with an accounting degree," the man said. "But mainly, I'm looking for someone to do my worrying for me."

"Excuse me?" the accountant said.

"I worry about a lot of things," the man said. "But I don't want to have to worry about money. Your job will be to take all the money worries off my back."

"I see," the accountant said. "And how much does the job pay?"

"I'll start you at eighty thousand."

"Eighty thousand dollars!" the accountant exclaimed. "How can such a small business afford a sum like that?"

"That," the owner said, "is your first worry."

A Guy Rings His Boss...

Second Wedding

Loading the Gun

The Escaped Prisoner

Hardly Worth Going Home

Minutes before the cremation, the undertaker quietly sat down next to the grieving widow.

"How old was your husband?" he asked.

"He was ninety-eight," she answered softly. "Two years oder than I am."

"Really?" the undertaker said. "Hardly worth going home, wouldn't you say?"

Bill Gates in Purgatory

A Little Practice in the Morgue

Swallowed Razor Blade

Great Sex Position

Q: What do you call a 6.9?

A: A great sex position fucked up by a period!

Blind Date

Ugly Woman

Gay Revenge

Refried Beans on Saturday Night

Why do gays eat refried beans on Saturday night?

So they can take a bubble bath Sunday morning.

Goldfish Funeral

Intelligent Radio

New Prefix

Pick Up Line in a Gay Bar

Q: What is the most popular pick up line in a gay bar?

A: Can I push your stool in?

Death During Sex

Adventurous Dining

The Police Didn't Agree